I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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