I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
