I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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