turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
