Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i barfeds in our rink
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
