he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
