I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
