your parents love me but you hate me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sex in a hospital.. check
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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