Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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