are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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