What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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