I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
