Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
