where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
