Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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