I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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