Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I need moral support for this bender
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
