how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
