Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
