sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
