After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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