I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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