I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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