Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize