Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
