it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
