Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
