Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
