We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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