People in love make me want to vomit
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
