I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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