I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
