just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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