hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
