It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
