he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
