If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
