so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
