my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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