Yo dont text me then not text me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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