I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dick very happy bro
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
