I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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