you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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