i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
