he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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