I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
