I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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