drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if only i could text you this smell
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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