You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
