I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we're making bets on your personal life
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
