It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
