whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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