four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
