and i looked up. we had an audience...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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