I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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