So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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