So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
