I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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