Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
