please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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