oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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